laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
