Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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