Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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