Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
