I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
