wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
