Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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