i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
