i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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