Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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