i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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