pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
jump out the window naked night went bad
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