he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
