Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
