im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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