You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
