Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
