i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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