He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
