butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
