She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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