Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
