I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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