I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
