I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
