dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
