i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Actions speak louder than pants.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
