I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
