By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
