Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
