just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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