so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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