Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
