He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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