well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
