YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
