I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
