That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
