Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
