sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
