you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
