he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
