no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
