I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
