dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
