Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
