there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
