I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
