I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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