you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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