she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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